Apparently the new thing sweeping the nation is to get fake testicles for your neutered pets. I'm not joking. The website claims:"Neuticles allows your pet to retain his natural look, self esteem and aids in the trauma associated with neutering."
So apparently "FDA medically-approved polypropylene" balls are a decent replacement for the real thing. Who knew? I wasn't aware that fake testicles would make me miss my real ones less. You know, if I were a dog or something.
Another gem of a quote from the website:
"Neuticles are available in four models: NeuticleOriginals (rigid firmness) NeuticleNatural (natural firmness) and Neuticles UltraPLUS and Neuticles UltraPLUS with Epididymis.. Each are crafted from FDA medically-approved (for human use) materials- replicating the animals testicle in size, shape, weight and feel."
"Neuticles are available in four models: NeuticleOriginals (rigid firmness) NeuticleNatural (natural firmness) and Neuticles UltraPLUS and Neuticles UltraPLUS with Epididymis.. Each are crafted from FDA medically-approved (for human use) materials- replicating the animals testicle in size, shape, weight and feel."
"The texture and firmness of NeuticlesNatural were crafted based on the firmness of actual animal testicles."
I would hate to be the man that designed these. Feeling up animals all day. Sick, sick, sick.
I would hate to be the man that designed these. Feeling up animals all day. Sick, sick, sick.
They are available for cats, dogs, bulls, and horses so far.
Holy shit, the website has a store. You can get Neuticle t-shirts, visors, bathrobes, towels, and...
Fucking Neuticle earrings. What the fuck? Who wants fake animal testicles hanging from their ears? Is this some sort of joke? I'm fucking convinced this is a joke. You can get necklaces too?! AND keychains? This seriously can't be real. No way.The website is located here:
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