Sunday, July 6, 2008

Random Review #55: the movie "Hancock."

Directed by Peter Berg
Starring Will Smith, Jason Bateman, Charlize Theron
Release date: July 2, 2008
Rated PG-13

This summer is hands-down the summer of superheroes. With Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, The Dark Night, and Hellboy II: the Golden Army all being released within a four-month period, it was only a matter of time before a studio would attempt at creating their own superhero. Hancock has been floating around Hollywood since 1996, and I think the studios saw this summer as the perfect opportunity to dust it off and give it proper cinematic treatment.
Will Smith, the owner of the 4th of July box office, stars as John Hancock, a drunken superhuman who is the only one of his kind. He lives in Los Angeles, and "helps" out the local police while costing millions in property damage. Hancock is hated by most of the public, only because they have to pay for his uncaring attitude. He then runs into Ray Embrey, a down-on-his-luck personal relations consultant, who tries to change Hancock's image into a positive one. Of course, a lot more happens in this film, but I'm definitely not one to give it away. It has a semi-suprising twist about halfway through, that completely blindsides you.
Hancock was a decent movie. It kept me entertained, Smith's acting was definitely good (as usual), and like I said, it has a decent twist halfway through. But this movie could have been one of the best of the summer if they wouldn't have edited the shit out of it. This movie was originally rated a "hard R," meaning that the MPAA (the people who rate movies) didn't even get through the first half of the movie before calling it. The distribution company, Columbia Pictures sent it back two times before the MPAA was okay with giving it the PG-13 it has now. Don't think I'm saying that a movie needs to be rated R to be good, but I think the storyline would have been much more improved if Peter Berg was free to do whatever he wanted with the movie. Hancock would have been a bigger douchebag, and the movie wouldn't have seemed so damn short.
That's just my opinion, though. I'm going to go ahead and say that this movie was my biggest disappointment of the summer 2008 movie season so far, only because I expected a lot better.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Random Review #54: the album "Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends" by Coldplay


Like I said in my last Coldplay review, I've really been liking them a lot lately. I acutally bought this album, strangely. It was at Wal-Mart for $10, and at Best Buy for $14. I don't really understand this, because the only difference was the cases. The cheaper one has a standard jewel case, while the more expensive one has a paper case. I'm not sure what the other one has, but I'd definitely prefer the cheaper one (especially since I can spend $10 on iTunes, so in a way, I save money).

Track 1-"Life in Technicolor": This definitely reminds me of Sigur Ros. Chris Martin has said in numerous interviews that they are a huge influence on him, especially their album ( ). This sounds like Sigur Ros if they grew up with English influences. I hear a bit of The Cure in this too. Purely instrumental.

Track 2-"Cemeteries of London": This is a VERY Coldplay-ish song. I like the near-military-sounding drums. The “lalalalalala” gets a bit annoying though. Overall, this isn’t a bad song. I don’t think it’s very radio-friendly though.

Track 3-"Lost!": His vocals are perfect with that drum beat and clapping in the background. It’s kind of the exact same song all the way through, though. It doesn’t really change all that much, except for the guitar solo 2 minutes from the end. Eh.

Track 4-"42": Okay, I’m going to pause the music and tell you what I hope for this song. I really hope this is a song that alludes to the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy book series by Douglas Adams. These are my favorite books of all time, and I know for a fact that Chris Martin is a Douglas Adams fan (he had a song a few years ago called “Don’t Panic,” which was another reference). Okay, I hit play. Ooh, it’s slow. I love the songs where Martin utilizes his piano prowess. “Those who are dead are not dead they’re just living in my head.” Can you say favorite lyric so far? Part of me wants to believe this song is about Douglas, who died in 2001. Shit, this song just picked up tempo, and it sounds really cool. This is probably my favorite song on the album so far.

Track 5-"Lovers in Japan/Reign of Love": This song is almost 7 minutes long. Ugh. I have a short attention span. I do like that old-sounding twang at the opening, followed by a ragtime-y piano. This definitely isn't a bad song. He just mentioned an "osaka sun," which is that famous red and white Japanese sun design. Cool. It just faded into what I can only assume is "Reign of Love." I'm not a fan of dual songs like this. Plus, this song is really, really boring. I like the "Lovers in Japan" part, not "Reign of Love." It ruins the song.

Track 6-"Yes": He sounds like he's trying too hard to make his voice go low, like he's pushing it. I like the frantic string instruments though (maybe viola?). I also like the chorus of this song. Martin sure does write about God a lot. Shit, I just realized this song is 7 minutes long. Woah, it just completely changed tempo. Fuck, this is another two-part song. At least this one is decent-sounding so far. Despite the fact that it is pretty much the same all the way through, I kinda like the second part.

Track 7-"Viva La Vida": There is controversy surrounding this song. This allegedly sounds like a song by the crappy band Creaky Boards called "The Songs I Didn't Write." I seriously doubt Chris Martin needs to steal music from these shitheads. They are just trying to make a quick buck. The video is here.
Anyways, I love this song. I love the orchestra, I love the lyrics, I love Chris' voice, and I love the bass drum beat. This replaces "42" as my favorite song on this album. I wonder if he is so pompus as to actually think he "ruled the world" at one point in time. Sure, they are one of the biggest bands in the world, but that's a bit much. I actually think this song is about something historical. EDIT: Yep, it's about the Crusades.

Track 8-"Violet Hill": Just read my review here.

Track 9-"Strawberry Swing": Every time I see "strawberry" in a song title, I'm reminded of the Beatles. This is kind of a slow song, but it isn't bad. It seems like something that would be on a soundtrack for a movie, and would play at a part where a person finds something out about themselves, or has to make a big decision.

Track 10-"Death and All His Friends": The slow songs on this album far outweigh the fast. I'm a fan of fast Coldplay. This song definitely picks up a little bit through though. It sounds like they have an entire chorus. Oh wow, another two-parter. This seems to be exactly what the album opened with. Eh. They stole that idea from Sigur Ros.

Overall: I think "A Rush of Blood to the Head" is way better, but this is definitely their second-best album. Some of the songs were needlessly long, but alright anyways. I think this is the sort of album that will grow on me.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Random Review #53: The blog "Daily Tails of Chase"

It isn't often I post a feel-good story on here, but this one really grabbed my attention.
This cat is named Chase. Chase has her own blog. When Chase was a kitten, she was hit by a car leaving her cheek-less, nose-less, eyelid-less, and missing one leg. I'll admit, seeing pictures of this feline made me cringe at first, almost like seeing a picture of a massively burned human. But then I read the headline on Chase's blog:
I was in an accident when I was 4 wks, I became disfigured. I have a Furry Will to survive and I am completely healed now at age 3. I require medication during the day to keep my eyes moist. I will always look different but I am in NO PAIN! I have seen 10 vets and they can attest to that! I'm a happy kitty and hope to help other humans (especially those disfigured) thru my work as a therapy cat feel just as great about themselves and realize that not everyone looks perfect and that is OK.
She participates in normal kitty activities, such as being lazy, playing with his owner's other pets, and getting a haircut at the vet. It just goes to show that not everyone is superficial, even cats.

Random Review #52: The book "Snuff" by Chuck Palahniuk


I am not obsessed with pornography. I know it may seem like it, considering I wrote a three-part article on it a few months ago, but still. I promise, I'm not a total pervert.
This book is amazing, though. Palahniuk is one of my favorite authors of all time, and it is because of books like this. The book follows three men, known as Mr. 72, Mr. 137, and Mr. 600. All three of these men are standing around a room with 597 other men, waiting to go down in history. You see, legendary porn actress Cassie Wright wants to be remembered as the woman that had sex with 600 men in a row. These three are lined up, waiting their turn. It tells the story from all three of their points of view, and gives you insight as to why they are there, what their past with Cassie has been like, and what they hope to gain from that experience.
"Snuff" is written in classic Palahniukian style, with brutal honesty and shocking twists. It is, in fact, my second-favorite book by him now. If you like his past writings, you'll love it.
Oh, and by the way, John Waters should direct the movie. That would be amazing.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Random Review #51: Indiana Jones desk set

This is an interesting one. With "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" out last Thursday, many companies are capitalizing on the older movies to sell products. This is a three-piece desk set that has treasures from the first three movies.




The fertility idol from the first movie doubles as a pen holder, and it looks pretty cool.



The Ark of the Covenant from the second movie is a business card holder, and it looks good as well.

I'm not entirely sure the average person would understand that this is the Holy Grail, but it goes with the others and is pretty neat nonetheless.

Random Review #50: The Incredible Edible Anus


Yes, seriously. These are Belgian chocolates that are shaped like assholes. I'm so thrown off by this, I can't even think of anything to type. I'm literally speechless. Why would someone possibly want to order these, other than as a gag gift? The site looks pretty legit, and has a classy URL (http://www.edibleanus.com/), but are they actually legit? I think so, with that foxy (I.E. Whorish) model eating a white one above. Someone order some for me, once they start selling them again. I'll let you know if they taste like shit or not (pun totally intended).
Click on the "Limited Edition" link to the left. Strangely, I want one.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Random Review #49: The movie "Iron Man"

Directed by John Favreau
Starring Robert Downey Jr., Terrence Howard, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jeff Bridges
Release date: May 2, 2008
Rated PG-13

Being a semi-hardcore comic nerd, I've constantly been let down by Hollywood's lame attempts at bringing fantastic superheroes to the big screen (Daredevil, Elektra, Catwoman, Spider-Man 3, to name a few). But not with this movie. This is hands-down the most accurate representation of a superhero origin story I have ever seen. Of course, some parts were modernized, like Jarvis (Tony Stark's butler in the comics) being an interactive computer system, but still. The message remains the same.
Anyways, as a movie, it was also fantastic. The storyline was interesting and relatable, the script was witty and smart, and the acting and effects were fantastic. Robert Downey Jr. has definitely returned from that blockbuster hiatus he's been on lately. He plays the perfect Stark. He's witty, intelligent, and a douchebag, just like his comics counterpart.
I do have one complaint about this movie though. I don't think Stark spent enough time in the Mk II armor. If you think about it, the only times he was in it were when he was testing it, and during two fighting sequences. It probably added up to close to 20 minutes total. And for a movie with a 2-hour running time, this is disappointing.
So the bottom line is this: if they keep making movies like this, I'll keep loving them. Please, Marvel, stick to what fans like and have liked for years. Don't get flashy to get audiences to come see your movies. This is near perfect.

Personal Message #3: All apologies.

Sorry I haven't updated in ages. I've been busy, then I got in trouble, and blah blah blah.
Chances are, you don't care.

Anyways, I'll be updating regularly now.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Personal Message #2: 8 days!

It's been 8 days since I've updated, and I am sorry. I've been working on graduating high school lately. It's been consuming my free time and has been putting me in a crappy mood for the last few weeks. But hey, at least I'm graduating, right?

I plan on updating today or tomorrow if I can. I promise it'll be a somewhat long one, and a type of something that I haven't reviewed yet.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Random Review #48: The album "The Slip" by Nine Inch Nails


I'm not a huge fan of Nine Inch Nails like some people I know (Katie, lol), but I do appreciate them. I think lead singer Trent Reznor has fucking amazing ideas when it comes to getting the word out about his music, and is brilliant when it comes to making up games and puzzles for his fans to solve. You know, all of that, and the fact that they are the band that made industrial music famous. No biggie.
This new, 43-minute long studio album is Reznor's gift to his fans. It is now on NIN's website for free (just like Radiohead's "In Rainbows" was a few months ago). You can download it in many formats on the album's own website (http://dl.nin.com/theslip/signup), and it is definitely worth it. The album will be released in both CD and vinyl formats in June.

Track 1-“999,999”: Not much to say about this. Just a bunch of noise. Blah blah blah, intro track.

Track 2-“1,000,000”: Hoooo boy this has a nifty beat. I definitely like this song a lot so far. Holy hell. This is the kind of NIN I love. Whoa. I like how the music just stops near the end of the song, and then starts back up again. False endings in songs are fantastic. Every album ever needs at least one.

Track 3-“Letting You”: Kind of a techno-y beat. I like it. Trent is singing through that weird thing that makes it sound like his voice is coming out of an old transistor radio. Shocking. The drum machine sounds cool.

Track 4-“Discipline”: This album is shaping up to be fantastic. Catchy beats, cool synth riffs, and Reznor’s voice at its best. It definitely all has a NIN feel to it. The drums on this song remind me of the ones on “Survivalism.” He’s whispering, and then building his voice up, like always. I like it when he does that.

Track 5-“Echoplex”: Drum machine intro, followed by a careless-sounding guitar riff. How the hell does he come up with music this good, this fast? Like I said before, the guitar sounds carelessly thrown together, but in a good way. I hear a woman’s voice. Weird. It’s kinda starting to ramble on. Eh.

Track 6-“Head Down”: I like the drums on this one a lot. It sounds old, like it’s being played on an ancient vinyl record. His voice growls in this one, and I love it. He’s talking fast, and I can’t understand him. Wait, he slowed down. I’ve always wondered how he performs the a’capella parts with only his voice live. Does he have a recording? Does another band member sing it? I don’t know.

Track 7-“Lights in the Sky”: I don’t like this song so far. It starts off too slow. NIN was never very good at slow songs, in my opinion. He just doesn’t have the voice for it. He’s whispering behind a piano track. I can’t tell what he is saying. I didn’t like this song at all.

Track 8-“ Corona Radiata”: I didn’t even realize this song started until about 30 seconds into it. Hooray, random ominous noise! Thanks for wasting seven-and-a-half minutes of my life! Ugh.

Track 9-“The Four of Us are Dying”: This song title makes me wonder if he is referring to the band, or something else. Weird. For a slow-ish song, it isn’t bad. No lyrics yet, though. What is up with all of these instrumental tracks? I want me some vocals. The ending sounds sick though.

Track 10-“Demon Seed”: Ooooh, I like the opening. Fingers crossed that it isn’t instrumental only. Nope, he’s whispering, yet again. The instruments slowly get heavier-sounding, and his voice slowly gets louder. I like that effect. It starts off good, the middle is alright, and the end is amazing. Sounds like a decent song to me.

Overall: Probably one of the best NIN albums in the last ten years (I don't think it beats "With Teeth"). As you can tell, I only like the upbeat, fast-paced songs; not the slow, sappy, instrumental ones. Other than that, it's great.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Random Review #47: The song "Violet Hill" by Coldplay, off of their album "Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends"


I have to admit, I've been liking Coldplay more and more lately. When I was growing up, my stepdad always referred to them as "dying whale music," (sometimes "humping whale") but now I realize that Chris Martin's voice is one of the best in modern music nowadays.
The world-famous Brits have "pulled a Radiohead" and are now offering their newest single, "Violet Hill" as a free download from their website. The album, "Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends" isn't out until June 17, but if you enter your email address and ZIP code on their website, you will receive an email sending you to your own personal URL to download the single for free (until May 6).
The song itself is amazing. I've been aching for new Coldplay material for a few months now (since I became tired of their last album, X & Y), and my metaphorical pain has now been cured. This is the kind of single that makes you completely amped for the new album. The record company execs involved definitely knew what they were doing when they decided that this song was going to be the first single. It doesn't really seem to have radio playability though. Sure, it's extremely catchy (the bass drum and guitar are both killer), but I can't really picture it on the radio for some odd reason. Then again, I’ve always had trouble picturing them on the radio.
I do love Martin’s feelings about the song, though. He says that it reminds him of his childhood and that it has a "chalky, pastel feeling." I completely and totally agree with the second. It feels thrown together and jumbled, but in the best way possible.

Go to http://coldplay.com/ to download the single (click "Song" then enter all of the necessary information). Like I said earlier, it’s only up until tomorrow (May 6) at midnight though, so do it ASAP before you have to buy it on iTunes or find it by other, illegal means.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Random Review #46: the movie "Hot Rod"

Directed by Akiva Schaffer
Starring Andy Samberg, Isla Fisher, Jorma Taccone, Bill Hader, Danny McBride, Will Arnett
Release date: November 27, 2007 (DVD)
Rated PG-13

I want to start this out by saying that I adore Andy Samberg. I think that he is one of the three to four people that can save Saturday Night Live from the unfunny depths that it has been in since the 90's. I did, however, despise this movie.
It stars Andy Samberg as the titular hero, Rod. Rod wants to be a successful stuntman like his father (who worked for Evel Knivel), but has failed almost every stunt he has tried. His "crew," composed of his half-brother Kevin (Jorma Taccone) and friends Rico (Danny McBride) and Dave (Bill Hader) helps him prepare and train for these stunts. He soon inducts Denise (Isla Fisher) his incredibly beautiful neighbor into the crew because he likes her. They basically get into some shenanigans, and Rod finds out that she has a douchebag lawyer boyfriend, Jonathan (Will Arnett, stealing every scene he's in). Rod is heartbroken, but soon discovers that his tough stepdad, Frank, whose respect he could never earn, needs a $50,000 heart-replacement surgery. Rod and his friends start a fundraiser so that he can pay for a benefit to make enough money for the operation, so that he can earn his respect by kicking his ass.
Obviously it goes on a bit farther than that, but it kinda goes downhill from there. The jokes are all overused and played-out, and I even noticed that they stole a gag from Family Guy (the "saying wh-at wh-ierd?" scene). I mean, I probably laughed four times during this movie. It just wasn't funny. It tried so hard, but didn't succeed. The jokes were just ridiculous and dumb. Most of the only funny parts involved Will Arnett's persona, Jonathan. He was such a stereotypical college-esque d-bag; it was fantastic.
I found myself wishing the movie was rated R, so that I at least could have hoped to see Isla Fisher's tits. It was that bad.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Random Review #45: the movie "Idiocracy"

Directed by Mike Judge
Starring Luke Wilson, Maya Rudolph, and Dax Shepard
Release date: September 3, 2006 (direct-to-DVD)
Rated R

We are stupid. In the last two decades, people have been constantly dumbed down by various types of media. Most of the blame needs to be given to advertising, as this movie clearly states.
Luke Wilson plays Joe Bauers, an Army librarian that is average in every way. He is immediately picked as a male test-subject for an experiment the Army wants to conduct. The project entails him being frozen in a hyperbaric chamber for one year, alongside an average woman, Rita (Maya Rudolph), a hooker the Army picked up off of the street. The experiment goes awry, and the two of them end up being frozen until 2505. The future is bleak. There are mountains of garbage, people watch TV all day, clothing patterns consist of corporate logos, and the English language has devolved into swear words and street terms combined. Everyone is also near-retarded. Joe falls into the hands of Frito, a lawyer that watches a show called "OW! My Balls!" all day while eating pure butter.
Now, this may seem vaguely Futurama-ish, and it kind of is. They both are culture-shocked, Joe way more than Rita. They are soon manipulating the people, and Joe ends up falling into the hands of the President of the U.S., because he is the smartest man on the planet.
This movie was better than I expected, I won’t lie. Since it was direct-to-DVD, I had a general idea of it being extra shitty (even though I’ve had a good experience with DTDVDs before). The cast was funny, the script was alright, and there were plenty of visual gags. The storyline was interesting, and I’m surprised it developed in the way that it did. It wasn’t fantastic, but it wasn’t terrible.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Random Review #44: The comedy album "Werewolves and Lollipops" performed by Patton Oswalt

Holy shit, this is the best comedy album I've ever listened to. Patton Oswalt has been one of my favorite comedians for a few years now, ever since I saw him on "The Comedians of Comedy" tour documentary a while ago. A lot of you may know him as the voice of Remy in the Disney/Pixar movie "Ratatouille" that was released last year. Well, his comedy is raunchy and fucking hilarious. I love him so much that I can't even come up with enough adjectives to describe it. Now, I watch and listen to a lot of comedy, so this is pretty high praise. If you can get this album, do it. It's epic. I love how he rants on about everything over and over.
Also, if you watch the show "Lewis Black's Root of All Evil," you'll see him on it frequently. He's just as amazing on that as well.

Random Review #43: Kangaroo scrotum pouch

Yes, seriously. These are pouches made of kangaroo scrotum, shipped all the way from Austraila. I'm pretty grossed out by this. The website refers to them as "small romantic gifts with big sentimental value." As if I'm going to cherish the ballsack of a cute kangaroo. Poor guy never saw it coming.
Kangaroo scrotum pouches are made from the scrotum of male kangaroo, and it's said to be very lucky; all those in possession of one is assured of a long life, happiness and healthy children.

That kangaroo isn't going to have healthy children or a long life because you cut his goddamn nuts off! He isn't so lucky, either. It's like an Australian version of the rabbit's foot, but completely fucked up. Ugh. Is it weird that I want one now?

The website is located here ("scrotum gift shop"):
http://www.australiagift.com/scrotum_shop/scrotum.htm

Random Review #42: The album "If" by Mindless Self Indulgence

So for this review, I'm going to try something new and somewhat interesting. I'm going to listen to the entire album all the way through, and write about my first impression of every song. I figure this will be more entertaining than just droning on about songs that I like. I'd reccomend finding your own download of it, so you can listen as you read along. There is a link to mine at the bottom, but I'm not sure how much longer it'll be up. Oh, and please let me know if you think I should do album reviews like this in the future.

New York-based industrial hip-hop band Mindless Self Indulgence (MSI) is one of the most interesting bands I've ever come across. They mix odd beeping noises, metal-sounding instruments, and lead singer Little Jimmy Urine's fast-talking falsetto voice to make a sound like no other. They've been one of my favorites for a few years now, and I was lucky enough to come across this leaked album that isn't out until Tuesday.

Track 1-"Never Wanted to Dance": Oooh, I like the opening song. It gets you interested in the album, just like "Shut Me Up" did on the last one. I love the bass drum beat in the background. Ah, Jimmy is doing his classic falsetto and fast speaking bit. I wonder if that's a drum machine? The guitar riff vaugely reminds me of Franz Ferdinand's "Take Me Out." Weird. I like it, though.

Track 2-"Evening Wear": He sounds like he is trying to make his voice go deeper than it should. I love the drum machine on this one. "I've dressed myself in fucking lies" is a nifty lyric. Now he's talking about losing innocence. Word up, Jimmy Urine, word up.

Track 3-"Lights Out": Woah. This is weird for them. Sounds almost like industrial synth-punk. Are those violins I hear "plinking" in the background? Once again, weird for them. And clapping? Shit. It's about as far from themselves they can get, but it's still MSI-ish.

Track 4-"Prescription": Oh, a song about meds. "Over the counter, fill the prescription." I wonder if when he says "I'm the doctor, I'm the patient" if he's referring to himself in both instances, implying that he self-medicates? And now he's talking about doing drugs before the show. He doesn't need them, then he does. That's classic addict behavior.

Track 5-"Issues": Interesting noises in the opening. Kissy mouth-popping. I don't really like this so far. I don't like how every sentence ends in "uhhhh." Ha! "Excuse me, do you want to screw? I'm so amazing in the sack." I love that line, to be honest. Nice synth solo too. With a Vocoder! This is a prime example of how some songs start out terrible, but end pretty decently.

Track 6-"Get It Up": Another song about drugs, from the sound of it. Shocking! He wants to make babies, you horny, and money, apparently. He can't get it up. Erectile dysfunction? Hell yes! That spoken word thing in the middle of the song is fucking epic. He goes: "Oh, Jesus, ha. I-I've never had this problem before it's just uh...hold on a second, give it a minute. Just give it a minute, give it a minute, alright? Uh, do something sexy! I don't care, do something sexy! Whatever you do, don't talk about your fucking boyfriend while we're having sex, how about that?!" Holy shit. I love that part. Now he's talking about it being the girl's fault, not his. Definitely funny.

Track 7-"Revenge": What the hell is this? Cheerleading? Woah. I like that segway, with all the clapping and what not. It was kinda boring though, and repeated itself too much.

Track 8-"Animal": If I remember correctly, this is the first video/single. I don't really like it all that much so far. I mean, it's alright, but it doesn't blow me away as a single. I DO like the ending noises though.

Track 9-"Mastermind": I like the opening so far. This sounds familiar though, and I'm not really sure why. Maybe I listened to it without realizing it? The chorus sounds really really really really familar. Deja vu for sure. This is one of the most hip-hop songs I've ever heard by them. It even has beatboxing.

Track 10-"On It": This album is so much more techno-y than anything they've ever released. I really like this song. Fast-paced and cool-sounding. The background drum beat sounds like something out of "Stomp." I love this song.

Track 11-"Pay For It": Piano opening. Not MSI-ish. I'm not complaining, but still. "I don't want you to hate me, I want you to want to hate me." Fucking amazing quote. He sure does swear a lot in this song. Ugh, he just changed the quote to "date me" in the last part. Eh.

Track 12-"Due": The beat seems like it's too sluggish, then it speeds up. Kind of a cool effect. He makes a lot of noises on this album, like the "dadadadadadas" on this song. You know, things to the beat that aren't real words. The guitar is tuned funny too.

Track 13-"Money": Whaaaat the hell? Whistling? Rock-ish guitar? Clapping? I was almost hoping this would be a cover of the Pink Floyd song, like how they covered "Tom Sawyer" by Rush on the last album. "Mon-nayyy!" That's cute.

Track 14-"Bomb This Track": Hell yes! Old school-sounding MSI. I love it when you can hardly understand what he's saying because he's talking so fast. It makes it a challenge, almost like a game. I think it's cool when they break the "fourth wall" (wiki it) and mention the song that they are currently singing; like how he says to "bomb this track."

Track 15-"Mark David Chapman": It's interesting that an MSI song would be named after John Lennon's killer. I guess they did have a song named "Harry Truman," so whatever. The opening almost sounds music-box-y. I like the bass line though. Spanish? Weird. Jimmy speaks Spanish on some songs, so I guess it's okay. Lots of voice samples in this song. Well, three so far. I enjoy this song. More fucking Spanish. Woah, the vocorder says "Mark Chap-man." That bit about Hitler is cool. And it now sounds like 18th-century British music. "Reginald, release the hounds." It ends on birds chirping. What a strange song.

Overall: I liked it. Not their best album, but definitely a good one. I might buy the deluxe edition with Jhonen Vasquez art and a DVD. The British version has 5 extra songs, which is bullshit. Ugh. Hate it when they do that. I'll have to download them.


You can stream the entire album from their Myspace page, located here:
http://www.myspace.com/mindlessselfindulgence

Friday, April 25, 2008

Random Review #41: The album "Armchair Apocrypha" by Andrew Bird

I like Andrew Bird quite a bit now. I know this is somewhat hasty to say, considering this is the only full album I've ever actually listened to by him, but if all of his other albums are like this, I definitely adore him. This Chicagoan singer/songwriter's newest album debuted at number 76 on the Billboard top 200 when it was released in March of 2007.
He combines folk music, 60's-style rock, and classical music, and it sounds fantastic. I love the way his voice flows on tracks like "Herectics" and "Imitosis." He sings softly most of the time, and it is all vaugely Ben Kweller-ish, but I still appreciate it nonetheless. The lyrics are always charming, too. For instance, on the track "Dark Matter," Bird sings about throwing away all of his "action toys" because he became obsessed with the board game Operation. Needless to say, after hearing this, I want to download all of his other albums. Yes, it's that good. I'm definitely a new fan.
Interesting to note: Bird is a former member of the Squirrel Nut Zippers.

Songs to download: "Imitosis," "Plasticities," and "Dark Matter."

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Random Review #40: The webcomic "Powerup Comics"

Worst.
Webcomic.
Ever.

This is one of the few things that if you told me you actually liked it, I'd think you were either crazy or retarded. This is the most unfunny piece of shit I've ever seen. I seriously think the creators are so terrible that it makes the comic hilarious. It's fucking horrible, and it's part of the cancer that is killing the internet. I'm actually mad that something like this exists, to be honest.

Powerup Comics is located here, but only read it if you want to feel better about yourself:
http://www.drunkduck.com/Powerup_Comics/

Monday, April 21, 2008

Blanketed Random Reviews #31-#39: Webcomics

So I decided that instead of doing a bunch of littler posts that would all fit under the same blanket, I'd just make them into one large, fun update. The first one: webcomics. Now everyone knows webcomics are hit-or-miss, and I'm here to tell you about the hits. As always, click on the pictures to enlarge.

RR #31: Toothpaste For Dinner

The originator, in my case. This dude (Drew) is the one that welcomed me warmly into the world of webcomics, and he has remained one of my favorites for a long time. His jokes are sometimes aimed at specific demograpics, but still funny and relatable nonetheless.
Toothpaste For Dinner is located here (updated daily):
http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/
Also, this is Drew's fantastic sketch comedy show, Roller Chester (no longer updated):
http://rollerchester.com/


RR #32: Natalie Dee This is created and run by Drew's wife, Natalie Dee. She does one-panel gags involving cute, colorful drawings. I like them, but a few every now and then seem to be personal jokes. I'm not saying they are unfunny, just slightly difficult to relate to. They are still charming, though.
Natalie Dee is located here (updated daily):
http://nataliedee.com/


RR #33: Married to the Sea This is the collaboration between Drew and Natalie Dee. They take old pictures from what I'm assuming are medical textbooks, history books, and old art books, and add goofy captions to them. This is hands down the most brilliant webcomic out there, if I do say so myself. The jokes are amazing.
Married to the Sea is located here (updated daily):
http://www.marriedtothesea.com/


RR #34: Where Are the Dogs Humping?
Another collaboration between Drew and Natalie, this one takes real, odd pictures and adds hilarious thoughts and what-not to the bottom. I wish this one was updated more, to be honest.
Where Are the Dogs Humping is located here (updated sporadically):
http://wherearethedogshumping.com/


RR #35: Subnormality
I just discovered this comic the other day, and now I'm completely and totally hooked. I've gone through most of the archives, and haven't not (double-negative, much?) laughed at one yet. It mixes pop culture, historical, and other such references into a comic that is definitely one of the best I've discovered thus far.
Subnormality is located here (updated weekly):
http://www.viruscomix.com/subnormality.html


RR #36: Explosm/Cyanide and Happiness

This comic is done by a few different people (3-4 dudes, I think), and is usually moderately offensive. It focuses on sight gags and bad puns (especially lately). The earlier comics are waaaaay funnier. Most of the newer ones have been missing the target, or are just plain dumb. Either way, it's a decent webcomic.
Explosm/Cyanide and Happiness is located here (updated daily, click on the top right corner to see the comic):
http://explosm.net/


RR #37: VG Cats
This comic is nicely animated, and one of the most popular ones on the web. It's really, really old, too. This one centers around two cats, Leo and Aeris, and their "adventures" throughout videogames. It's really entertaining if you know anything about videogames at all. I also LOVE the facial expressions, seriously.
VG Cats is located here (updated "weekly"):


RR #38: Perry Bible Fellowship
This comic has been in the news lately. Apparently, Nicholas Gurewitch (the creator) released a book containing a lot of these comics, and it sold out on Amazon in days. I think they are well made, and incredibly funny. He apparently has retired from doing them though, which made me sad to hear.
Perry Bible Fellowship is located here (no longer updated):


RR#39: Truck Bearing Kibble
After I heard of Perry Bible Fellowship's demise, I found an article online relating that comic to this one. They are both similar, yes, but this one is slightly more offensive (and not afraid to "go there"). I definitely enjoy this one as much as PBF.
Truck Bearing Kibble is located here (updated weekly):


Sunday, April 20, 2008

Random Review #30: "Real-life" Jessica Rabbit

Again with this bullshit? My god, I'm getting sick of nearly vomiting every damn time I see these peoples' Photoshop creations. For those of you uneducated on late-80's film/cartoon mash-up movies, she is the title character's wife in 1988's epic "Who Framed Rodger Rabbit?"
But seriously, I'm starting to get sick of these pictures. I've heard rumors that their next one will be Stewie from Family Guy. Ugh.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Random Review #29: The YouTube video "Sweded Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back"

Video is located here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfF_vmRIeD4

For those of you that don't know what "sweded" means (definition taken from urbandictionary.com):
The summarized recreation of popular pop-culture films using limited budgets and a camcorder. The process is called sweding. Upon completion the film has been Sweded.

This minute-long video is fucking amazing. These dudes made this to enter the "Empire in 60 seconds" contest, as explained on the video's page.
Due to the nature of this short, lots of footage remains on the cutting room floor ( so to speak ) So expect a longer version soon (ish)
I can't wait to see the final one. There is nothing I don't like about this. Borat Fett, "pew pew" blaster noises, shitty animation, and crappy acting. It has it all. Definitely one of the best sweded videos I've ever seen. It really makes me want to go out and make a few of these. I'd probably ruin the concept though.

Original article (where I stole the picture from):

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Random Review #28: "The Incredible Hulk" poster

The Hulk/Bruce Banner both apparently have a soft-spot for denim. And apparently the Hulk plays with toy tanks. Due to the placement of the pockets on the Hulk's ass, I'd say his pants must have a pretty heavy tear down the butt. That's just me though.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Random Review #27: The movie "Persepolis"

Directed by Marjane Satrapi and Vincent Paronnaud
Starring (the voices of) Kirsten Dunst, Sean Penn, Iggy Pop, Gena Rowlands, Catherine Deneuve, Danielle Darrieux
Release date: December 22, 2007 (but playing at many places now)
Rated PG-13
Running time: 95 minutes

In recent years, conventional animation has been dying. With Disney's decision to no longer make anything other than live-action and computer animated movies by 2012, this "death" has nearly been cemented. That being said, it is incredibly refreshing to see a film like this come along. The animation style is very fluid and neat, and it keeps you interested throughout the entire film. The animation was created using a computer, but it still feels old-world-ish. It's charming, to be honest. I definitely hope this becomes a standard in animation.
This movie is based on the graphic novel fof the same name by Marjane Satrapi, whose early life this is based on (she also wrote the screenplay and co-directed). It follows her as a child, growing up in Iran in the mid-1970's during the end of the dictator Shah's rule. After this dictator died, most Iranians started a revolution; something that is completely against the law there. One of the people in this revolution is Marjane's communist uncle, Anouche (suprisingly played by Iggy Pop in the English version). He is sent to prison for speaking out against the way the government handles "electing" a new dictator. Essentially, the people "vote" for the one person that the government decides to elect. 99.99% of the vote goes towards this single person; the last .01% are people that didn't vote. Clearly, this is unfair.
From here, we see Marjane grow up into a woman. She listens to the Bee Gees (later replaced by Iron Maiden), wears a jacket that says "PUNKS NOT DED," and neglects to wear her head scarf in the style the government demands. She grows up further, becoming a young adult and forming her own ideals while moving through Iran and Europe. She attends punk shows, makes friends, and becomes a beautiful young woman.
This movie was amazing. The story was easy to follow, the animation was fantastic, and the voice acting was top-notch. My only complaints about this are that it didn't really have a solid plot (other than showing her grow up), and the ending. It just...stopped. I hate it when movies do that.
Overall, this is a great movie. I highly reccomend it, especially if you have lost faith in the traditionally animated movie as of late.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Random Review #26: The Garfield randomizer

Located here:

This is pretty neat. I don't really think Garfield is funny (I did when I was younger; go figure), but this dude had an idea to randomly put three Garfield panels together. The results are usually pretty funny. I like how you can "lock" some, if you don't want to lose them. I just wish they would do this with other, funnier comics (like Get Fuzzy).
One of the good ones I made:

Personal Message #1: Sorry guys

Sorry I haven't really been updating as much as I used to. I've had some medical problems lately that have prevented me from doing so.
Well, that, and I'm working on a semi-secret project for another blog. I'll keep you all updated.

Expect a few extensive reviews by the end of the weekend. I have three planned so far.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Random Review #25: The movie "21"

Directed by Robert Luketic
Starring Jim Sturgess, Kevin Spacey, Kate Bosworth, Lawrence Fishburne
Release date: March 29, 2008
Rated PG-13
Running time: 123 minutes

Jim Sturgess is a good actor. I thought "Across the Universe" was a decent movie, and that he definitely added a lot to it. I think the same of him in this movie. Sturgess plays the role of Ben Campbell, an MIT student that will do anything to get $300,000 so that he can afford to go to Harvard Medical school. He is soon invited to a meeting where he learns that his statistics (I think) teacher (played well by Spacey) is running a card-counting ring involving four other students. He is initially sketchy about the operation, but eventually Ben joins the team. He learns their methods, and goes through all of their tests. Then they start going to Vegas, and winning. It all goes well until a loss prevention officer (Lawrence Fishburne) starts to notice Ben winning a lot of money.
I'm not going to say anymore, because I don't want to ruin it, but it was a decent flick. The acting was okay (I noticed that the Asian dude stole every scene he was in), the story was good, and the idea behind it wasn't completely far-fetched. I've read the book that this is based on (which is a true story), and not a whole lot changed. It was obviously modernized (the original story takes place in 1994), but the meat of the story is the same, in the sense that it was about teachers taking students to count cards in Vegas. Oh, and the added love story with Kate Bosworth wasn't in the original one. And everyone in the true story was Asian (go figure).
One of my complaints about this movie is that it was so damn long. Clocking in at 123 minutes, this is definitely one of those movies that you are required to take a piss after.
So essentially, this was entertaining. I enjoyed it, but it was too long.

Note: I really wish this was review #21. Ah well.
Other note: I started putting the movie information at the top with this one. I may expand this to other reviews as well.

Random Review #24: The troupe "Improv Everywhere"

These people are fucking brilliant. If you are an avid YouTube-er like myself, you've probably seen this group's videos floating around the interwebs. The premise is this: they take everyday situations and make them somewhat uncomfortable for people around them. It's kinda hard to explain, so I'll just post some examples. I haven't even seem all of this group's videos (they have close to 50), but these are my favorites of the ones I've seen. NOTE: Watch the video before you read what I write; so the joke isn't ruined.

The Food Court Musical
Located here (video is on the page, and it also has a YouTube link):
http://improveverywhere.com/2008/03/09/food-court-musical/
This is my favorite one out of all of them I've seen. The looks on the people's faces are priceless. The best part is when the security officer joins in. I was convinced he wasn't part of the act. I also enjoyed the fact that they went on afterwards as if nothing had happened. Pretty fantastic.

Frozen at Grand Central Station
Located here:
http://improveverywhere.com/2008/01/31/frozen-grand-central/
This is the first one that I saw from Improv Everywhere, and it is probably their most famous. To get 209 people (!) to freeze and unfreeze at the exact same time is definitely a feat. I love the part when the guy pokes one of the frozen people; and when the guy on the cart honks at them.

Fake Ben Folds
Located here:
http://improveverywhere.com/2006/11/19/ben-folds-fake/
If you know me, you know that I'm a pretty big Ben Folds fan. He's a spectacular singer, amazing piano player, and brilliant songwriter. But he also plays pranks on his fans all the time. These two pranks are brilliant. Be sure to read the entire story to appreciate the genius behind it all.

This troupe is definitely going places. They've spawned many impostors (if you look at the news on the front page, R.E.M. even ripped them off), but no group is as good as the original.


Website located here:
http://improveverywhere.com/

Monday, April 7, 2008

Random Review #23: The YouTube video "Mathematicious"

Since I can't seem to figure out how to embed YouTube videos on this damn Blogger, I'll just post the link here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cAs1YBELmA
This video is brilliant. I hate Fergie (or at least her music, at the fact that she looks like the Muppet to the right), and this dude's lyrics are spot on. He seems to be pretty young, too. Maybe around 14-15. I have to say, this takes a certain amount of balls. I'm proud of this kid for doing this, for sure. I love all of the nerd references and horrid lip-synching. It makes the video.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Random Review #22: The lyrics to Menomena's "Gay A," off of the "Wet and Rusting EP"

These are the lyrics:
All my pathetic and small life
I made big steps with small strides
to fight what just feels right
Then I had a vision
Now I'm on a mission
to fix my condition
to fix me for good

Alright, so that didn't work quite
like I hoped that it might.
But look on the bright side
Now every week there's a scene
of new men just like me
And I can't help but wonder why
If I believe, I can't see my relief

And I can't help but wonder why
this cure I seek, if I believe
is temporary
And I can't help but wonder why
if I believe, I can't see my relief
And I can't help but wonder why
this cure I seek, if I believe
is temporary

All my pathetic and small life
I made big steps with small strides
to fight what just feels right
then I had a vision
now I'm on a mission
to fix my condition
to fix me for good


I love these lyrics so much. It is likely one of my favorite songs by one of the bands that is quicky becoming a favorite. There is just so much truth behind them, you know? The line "Now every week there's a scene/of new men just like me" is probably the best one in the entire song. It definitely shows that there is no longer any individuality among people.

In an interview with the blog "You Ain't No Picasso," lead singer Justin Harris said this about the song:

Now, just a fan sort of question here. I really love “Gay A” off the “Wet and Rusting” EP and was wondering if there’s any connection between it and Radiohead’s“Kid A.”

[Laughs] No. There’s no meaning in relation to “Kid A.” It has no personal meaning to any of us in the band. A friend of mine went to one of those… like, places wherethey didn’t want to be gay any more.

Like a religious camp?

Yeah. Like one of those where they didn’t want to be a part of the gay lifestyle any more. It’s based on my misconception about what that was. I was under the assumption that you go to these places to not be gay anymore, but that’s totally not what it is. It’s just for people who don’t want to be in the gay lifestyle. You can’t really can’t stop being gay. But the point isn’t to rid you of your gayness, but just to help you if you don’t want to be a part of that lifestyle.

In my opinion, the real meaning of the lyrics make the song a whole lot better.

The above interview is located here:
http://www.youaintnopicasso.com/2008/02/04/an-interview-with-menomenas-justin-harris/#more-2899
And you can listen to the song on their Myspace page:
http://www.myspace.com/menomena

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Random Review #21: Photogenic food

Link:

Here is a German website I stumbled across that has different foods' advertising pictures sitting next to pictures of the real-life food. This is completely and totally fascinating and disgusting. You never really analyze things like this unless things are really bad.


A highlight (as always, click to enlarge):

Random Review #20: "Running The Numbers," a photography exibit by Christopher Jordan

We as humans, consume. It is the one thing that everyone does and will do for all of existence. But as Americans, humans waste. The proof is in photographer Christopher Jordan's masterpiece of an exibit, "Running the Numbers." Using everyday items and Photoshop, Jordan has created massive murals depicting how much "stuff" Americans waste.
The picture below is an example, which "depicts two million plastic beverage bottles, the number used in the US every five minutes" (click to enlarge photos):


After seeing all of these, I became immensely sad. You can hear the number all day long, but it isn't until you see it that you wrap your mind around the massive quantity.

Information on this project is located here:
http://www.chrisjordan.com/current_set2.php?id=7

Note: I haven't actually seen this exibit, just what he has online. Note that the pictures are around 6-7 feet high in most cases. Geez.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Random Review #19: Neuticles

Apparently the new thing sweeping the nation is to get fake testicles for your neutered pets. I'm not joking. The website claims:
"Neuticles allows your pet to retain his natural look, self esteem and aids in the trauma associated with neutering."
So apparently "FDA medically-approved polypropylene" balls are a decent replacement for the real thing. Who knew? I wasn't aware that fake testicles would make me miss my real ones less. You know, if I were a dog or something.
Another gem of a quote from the website:
"Neuticles are available in four models: NeuticleOriginals (rigid firmness) NeuticleNatural (natural firmness) and Neuticles UltraPLUS and Neuticles UltraPLUS with Epididymis.. Each are crafted from FDA medically-approved (for human use) materials- replicating the animals testicle in size, shape, weight and feel."
"The texture and firmness of NeuticlesNatural were crafted based on the firmness of actual animal testicles."
I would hate to be the man that designed these. Feeling up animals all day. Sick, sick, sick.
They are available for cats, dogs, bulls, and horses so far.

Holy shit, the website has a store. You can get Neuticle t-shirts, visors, bathrobes, towels, and...
Fucking Neuticle earrings. What the fuck? Who wants fake animal testicles hanging from their ears? Is this some sort of joke? I'm fucking convinced this is a joke. You can get necklaces too?! AND keychains? This seriously can't be real. No way.

The website is located here:

Random Review #18: The webcomic "Electric Retard"

Located here (NOT SAFE FOR WORK/SCHOOL):
http://www.electricretard.com/

This comic is probably one of the most fucked up things I've ever seen, and I've sat through NEDM and BME Pain Olympics. This dude is messed up in the head, seriously. I laugh really hard at it though. I just wish he'd update regularly.
Apparently he's banned in Germany because of the Hitler comics he's made. I think this speaks measures as to how much Germany can't admit they made a mistake 50 years ago. Boo hoo.
I really want to get one of the shirts.

Random Review #17: A picture of Max Bemis and an Olsen twin

He looks scared shitless to be standing next to her. She isn't wearing a bra, and her tits look saggy and gross. I love how his back is slightly arched away from her.

Random Review #16: The website "Eatbabies.com"

Located here:
http://eatbabies.com/

This is kinda funny, but a bit overplayed. I mean, it seems like this might have been a pretty funny small joke at one point in time, but they took it too far. Not in the tasteful-ness manner, but because it has SO MUCH CONTENT. I can't even begin to fathom how much time the people involved with this site put into it.
Some of the shirts are lame. They look like clip art from Microsoft Word. The fan art section sucks more balls than a Taiwanese prostitute, mostly because it tries too hard. Oh, and the recipes section is just sad.
Come to think of it, this website is shit.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Random Review #15: The stand-up comedy of Dan Mintz

The man above, Dan Mintz, is the unfunniest comic I've ever watched. I just got done watching his new "Comedy Central Presents" episode, and I chuckled twice (maybe).
He's one of those types of comedians that serves semi-raunchy one-liners in a monotonous voice to try to make them more funny. I was convinced that part of his act was pretending to be an extremely unfunny comedian, until I realized he was completely serious ten minutes into it. He literally just stands there and recites his lines; no laughing, weird voices, or other comedy must-haves. I'd reccomend avoiding watching any of his stand-up, but if you must, here is his website:
http://www.danmintz.com/

Whore-Out #2: Dr. Manhattan bulletin

I'm getting famous-er by the day.


Monday, March 31, 2008

Random Review #14: 4-inch Bossy Bear vinyl toy by David Horvath



I bought this toy a few months ago for $10 online. This is by one of my favorite modern artists, David Horvath. He's especially popular for doing the Uglydolls line of plush toys and his children's books (one of which this toy is based on).
As a toy, this isn't too thrilling. Apparently when you order one, the eyes are in random positions, either pointing up, down, left, right, or straight ahead (which is what I got). The only movement the toy has is the rotation of the head. It does look awfully good in my room though. And the box art was pretty neat.
So as a toy, no; but as a piece of art, hell yes. It's definitely worth the price.

Whore-Out #1: Versus Reviews

Two of my friends, Jordan and Nello have started a Myspace page where they both review different types of media. I think this is an interesting concept, and think it should be extended to more people than these two alone (hint hint). I'll be sure to post something here if they make a Blogger like I suggested.

Link here (because Nello wanted it):
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=364000040

Random Review #13: "Zombie Strippers" poster

She looks like an alien. Proof that Photoshop ruins everything.
I think this is also trying to hard to be Grindhouse-esque. It still looks epic as shit though. It looks like one of those movies that is "so bad it's good."

Original post (with trailer):
http://www.slashfilm.com/2008/03/31/jenna-jameson-and-robert-englunds-zombie-strippers-gets-theatrical-release/

Random Review #12: Mermaid Ornaments?

What.
The.
Shit.
Seriously? What the hell are these? Are you telling me that the market for Christmas ornaments that are fire-mer-men? They actually mass-produce this pointless shit? I'm telling you right now, I'd buy this, but not for the reasons you'd think. I'd buy it because it is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever seen in my entire life. Maybe that's the point.

Random Review #11: Garfield Minus Garfield

There is a semi-new blog out there on the interwebs called "Garfield Minus Garfield." It basically involves some dude removing Garfield from all of the Garfield comics, making his owner, Jon, seem batshit crazy.


Some of them are pretty lame, but certain ones keep me laughing. Like these (click to enlarge):