Monday, March 31, 2008

Random Review #14: 4-inch Bossy Bear vinyl toy by David Horvath



I bought this toy a few months ago for $10 online. This is by one of my favorite modern artists, David Horvath. He's especially popular for doing the Uglydolls line of plush toys and his children's books (one of which this toy is based on).
As a toy, this isn't too thrilling. Apparently when you order one, the eyes are in random positions, either pointing up, down, left, right, or straight ahead (which is what I got). The only movement the toy has is the rotation of the head. It does look awfully good in my room though. And the box art was pretty neat.
So as a toy, no; but as a piece of art, hell yes. It's definitely worth the price.

Whore-Out #1: Versus Reviews

Two of my friends, Jordan and Nello have started a Myspace page where they both review different types of media. I think this is an interesting concept, and think it should be extended to more people than these two alone (hint hint). I'll be sure to post something here if they make a Blogger like I suggested.

Link here (because Nello wanted it):
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=364000040

Random Review #13: "Zombie Strippers" poster

She looks like an alien. Proof that Photoshop ruins everything.
I think this is also trying to hard to be Grindhouse-esque. It still looks epic as shit though. It looks like one of those movies that is "so bad it's good."

Original post (with trailer):
http://www.slashfilm.com/2008/03/31/jenna-jameson-and-robert-englunds-zombie-strippers-gets-theatrical-release/

Random Review #12: Mermaid Ornaments?

What.
The.
Shit.
Seriously? What the hell are these? Are you telling me that the market for Christmas ornaments that are fire-mer-men? They actually mass-produce this pointless shit? I'm telling you right now, I'd buy this, but not for the reasons you'd think. I'd buy it because it is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever seen in my entire life. Maybe that's the point.

Random Review #11: Garfield Minus Garfield

There is a semi-new blog out there on the interwebs called "Garfield Minus Garfield." It basically involves some dude removing Garfield from all of the Garfield comics, making his owner, Jon, seem batshit crazy.


Some of them are pretty lame, but certain ones keep me laughing. Like these (click to enlarge):







Wednesday, March 26, 2008

How-To #1: Stencils for graffiti

Materials needed:
Picture (printed, drawn, etc.)
X-Acto knife
Thin cardboard
Marker (preferably a bright color)
Spray paint

-STEP 1: Finding a picture When cutting a picture for a stencil, be sure that it is over two inches by two inches. Otherwise, the cardboard will become weak and will rip easily.
You’ll need a picture that is on a regular piece of printer paper (or a piece that is thicker, like drawing paper). Notebook paper is FAR too thin for this step. This picture can either be printed or drawn; but it WILL be ruined.
I’ve chosen a printed version of one of my friend’s drawings of a bunny to help you throughout this process. This is a very simple design to follow.


-STEP 2: Marking the picture Take your marker and draw where you want to cut the lines. Be sure to make “bridges” or gaps in-between longer lines so that the stencil won’t turn into a silhouette. I’ve marked where I put the gaps in red.

-STEP 3: Cutting out the lines Start cutting out where you marked with the marker, being sure to stay close to the same thickness for each line. I've made a diagram of how to cut lines below:

-STEP 4: Finishing cutting Once you are done cutting, make sure the “bridges” are frequent enough. This will ensure that your final product won’t fall apart.


-STEP 5: First spray Put your paper stencil over the thin cardboard (soda can boxes work pretty well, be sure to spray on the brown side), and spray an EXTREMELY light coating of paint over the paper stencil and onto the cardboard. If you spray too much, the paint will soak through the paper and make it bleed, as seen on the bunny’s leg. This is okay, as long as it doesn’t ruin any small details.

-STEP 6: Cutting the cardboard Start cutting the cardboard, leaving the smaller details for last. You should be applying a lot more pressure than you did with the previous stencil. If you want to check on your progress, turn the cardboard over and look at the mirror view of your piece.

-STEP 7: Finishing Well, look at that. A stencil. Now you can go vandalize anywhere you want. Just don't get caught.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Random Review #10: The "FIRE LANE" sign near my local park

"FIRE LANF?" Way to be efficient, painters. Come the fuck on. It's not like that won't take just a dab of white paint to fix. Lazy assholes.
I'd totally use this as an excuse if I parked there and got a ticket. "Oh judge, I wasn't aware of what a "FIRE LANF" was." You could probably pull that off.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Random Review #9: the website "Superbad.com"

Located here:
http://www.superbad.com/ (no, it has nothing to do with the movie)

This website is a complete mindfuck. I have no idea who runs it or who updates it or how often they do, but I've been visiting about once a month for two years and haven't been unsatisfied yet. The whole idea is that you click on random parts of the page you are on, and it reacts or sends you to another page. It's fucking brilliant, entertaining, and scary, all in one. Oh, and don't be suprised if you catch yourself viewing the same page twice. don't fret, just click on a different link.
My favorite pages are the ones with the bees and the story about Captain America.
I would really like to find out who owns this site and why they do what they do. If you know how to find out, let me know. They deserve thanks.

Random Review #8: "Real-life" Homer Simpson

This one makes me shit my pants more than the other fucking one. I mean, seriously. What the shit is wrong with these people? Homer looks like some sort of bizarre hairless chimp with ping-pong ball eyes. He also has slight liver spots on his massive head.
This is by the same group that did the Mario one that I previously posted. I'll admit, I'm hoping their next one is just as fucking weird as the previous two.

Here is their blog:
http://pixeloo.blogspot.com/

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Random Review #7: SFW porn

I love the Internet. I really really do. People use MS Paint over porn pictures to make them safe-for-work. Some of my favorite safe-for-work porn:


Black people love watermelon! Get it? Also, doesn't the "actress" look like the chick from "The Waterboy?" I'd tap her in that movie for sure. Hicks are hot. Sometimes.


Spidey foils another robbery! I bet that webbing tastes pretty fucking bad.

Just another day at the lab!


Ol' Pancho shot the sheriff!

So basically, these are proof that the internet is the best thing ever.

More is located here:
http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/SFW_Porn

Random Review #6: The album "Pretty. Odd." by Panic at the Disco

Alright, so I want to start this out by saying that I am an in-the-closet Panic at the Disco fan. I have been for YEARS. I think their first album was pretty decent, for being a bunch of witty, literate, high-school students. I respect them for being good songwriters, decent musicians, and flashy dressers. I do not, however, like how "the scene" morphed them into every teenage girls' wet dream.
It's bad of me to do so, but I illegally downloaded this album five days before it was supposed to come out (on March 25). It has just been getting a lot of good reviews lately, so I figured I'd check it out.
Now I can't stop listening to it. Seriously. I love it. It has folk, country, and classic rock influences, and it is a million times better than their debut. Don't get me wrong, I love synth-pop, but I like this style a lot better. Lead singer Brendon Urie's voice is better accented by an accoustic guitar than a synthesizer. These boys have definitely grown up, in many ways. The lyrics are still witty and quotable, and the music is still catchy and entertaining, but there are definitely more adult themes on some of the tracks.
I really hope this album isn't overplayed like their last one, but I still hope it is successful enough to keep their third one in this same style.
Even if you despise their first album (which seems to be the popular thing to do), check this out. It might as well be a different band.
That being said, the "gallop" on "Pas De Chaval" is insanely addicting.

Oh, and there is no more "!" in their name. Thanks, Wikipedia.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Random Review #5: "Real-life" Mario

Apparently some dude pasted together a bunch of pictures in Photoshop to make it look like a real Mario.

Needless to say, I shit my fucking pants. This is seriously one of the worst things I've ever seen in my entire fucking life. The eyes! The nose! The dead-ferret-looking moustache! It's seriously too creepy to look at, and I can't stop.
On a seprate note, I really want that hat.

Random Review #4: Rejected Star Wars products

I stumbled across some rejected Star Wars stuff that Pepsi was apparently looking at making to hype the release of "The Phantom Menace" in 1999. Below are the few I'd actually be interested in.


Holy shit, a Jabba bean bag chair. I've been wanting one of these since I realized Jabba was large and squishy. I'd seriously like to sit in that chair and watch Star Wars. Or have sex on it. But having sex on anything Star Wars-related would likely make the universe implode upon itself.




I really like this idea. I'd like it more if the heads were realistic; like real-feeling fake fur, and latex for the skin. Almost like real taxidermy. If they looked like stuffed animals though, it would be completely fucking pointless and dumb.


Nothing brings back memories of nerdy college life in the 80's like having foosball tournaments, drinking Tab, and watching Star Wars. They brilliantly put two of these together, and unfortunately didn't follow through with it. Oh, and don't put Sculpey on a normal foosball player to make him look like Darth Vader; it'll fly off and hit you in the eye when your friend does his "extreme spin" move.

Original article (to see the rest) located here:

Random Review #3: the album "Dr. Manhattan" by Dr. Manhattan

There are VERY few bands I have more faith in than this Illinois foursome. I attended a Say Anything show back in November, and these dudes were the FIRST band that played. Normally, I don’t really give a shit about bands I’ve never heard of, especially when it is at a show for my favorite band of all time, but they really caught my attention. I actually sat and listened to them play, before hearing any of their recorded music (the only other band I’ve ever done this with was The Graduate, and I love them, so maybe I should do this more often). Anyways, after hearing them live, I had a chance to meet the band. They are seriously some of the nicest dudes ever. They helped me sneak backstage (where I met Max, the lead singer of Say Anything), signed my CD, AND chatted with me. Most bands don’t give a shit anymore. They are funny, interesting, and make spectacular music.
But personal experiences aside, I love this album. I had to go to a record store WAY out of my way to buy it, and I’m very pleased to say that it was worth it. I wish I could tell everyone about this album. I’ve only had it for three days, and I already cherish it. This band is going places, just you watch.

Oh, and in order to get the word out, I made a stencil for them. It is located here: http://tynosaur.deviantart.com/art/Dr-Manhattan-80511127

Their myspace is located here:

Random Review #2: The song “Move Bitch” by Ludacris from his album “Word of Mouf”

In the opening verse (and chorus) of Christopher “Ludacris” Bridges’ song “Move Bitch,” Luda tells you he wants you to “Move bitch, get out the way.” He continues to ask you to get out of his way throughout the song, making sure he calls you a bitch each time he impolitely asks. Combine this with a menacing synth beat, and you have yourself a grade-A rap song, ready to be overplayed on radios nationwide.
And you can’t forget about the raspy-voiced “guest” rapper near the middle of the song that seems to have no reason to be on this track, but to let you know that you should get out of his way as well. Oh, and I forgot about the other “guest” vocalist, who I’ll call “Big ‘N Deep,” since his voice is big and deep. Big ‘N Deep also informs you on his opinion of you being a bitch and moving out of Ludacris’ way. So now you know how these three dudes think of you being a bitch about not moving out of their way.
Come to think of it, Luda doesn’t really say much more on this song besides that. He has a bit of rapping, but nowhere near as much as his two “guest” rappers. I’ll never be able to take rap seriously, ever.

Random Review # 1: The book “Letter to a Christian Nation” by Sam Harris

In this short (96 pages, including glossary) book, world-renowned atheist Sam Harris writes (get ready for it) a letter to the predominantly Christian people of the United States. Over the course of this tiny book, Harris literally chews the face off of modern Christians. He states that their beliefs are so warped that they can’t even believe in modern scientific theories that might as well be fact; such as evolution. He also says that it is the Catholic Church’s fault that science has been slowed down exponentially in the last 20 years. Mr. Harris brings up the fact that the church has slowed down the process of stem cell research; something that could potentially save millions upon millions of lives if perfected.
Harris hits the nail on the head with all of these points. He has many more things to say too. This book is a pretty simple read, and most people won’t find it ludicrous to read it in a single night. But at a retail price of $16.99, most people will find this tiny tome to be a bit of a rip-off. I was lucky enough to buy it secondhand for something around $7.00, but if you can’t find it anywhere, I’d highly recommend checking it out at a library, whether you are religious or not. It’ll give you ammunition if you are anti-Christian, and will potentially change your views if you are religious.