Monday, March 31, 2008

Random Review #14: 4-inch Bossy Bear vinyl toy by David Horvath



I bought this toy a few months ago for $10 online. This is by one of my favorite modern artists, David Horvath. He's especially popular for doing the Uglydolls line of plush toys and his children's books (one of which this toy is based on).
As a toy, this isn't too thrilling. Apparently when you order one, the eyes are in random positions, either pointing up, down, left, right, or straight ahead (which is what I got). The only movement the toy has is the rotation of the head. It does look awfully good in my room though. And the box art was pretty neat.
So as a toy, no; but as a piece of art, hell yes. It's definitely worth the price.

Whore-Out #1: Versus Reviews

Two of my friends, Jordan and Nello have started a Myspace page where they both review different types of media. I think this is an interesting concept, and think it should be extended to more people than these two alone (hint hint). I'll be sure to post something here if they make a Blogger like I suggested.

Link here (because Nello wanted it):
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=364000040

Random Review #13: "Zombie Strippers" poster

She looks like an alien. Proof that Photoshop ruins everything.
I think this is also trying to hard to be Grindhouse-esque. It still looks epic as shit though. It looks like one of those movies that is "so bad it's good."

Original post (with trailer):
http://www.slashfilm.com/2008/03/31/jenna-jameson-and-robert-englunds-zombie-strippers-gets-theatrical-release/

Random Review #12: Mermaid Ornaments?

What.
The.
Shit.
Seriously? What the hell are these? Are you telling me that the market for Christmas ornaments that are fire-mer-men? They actually mass-produce this pointless shit? I'm telling you right now, I'd buy this, but not for the reasons you'd think. I'd buy it because it is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever seen in my entire life. Maybe that's the point.

Random Review #11: Garfield Minus Garfield

There is a semi-new blog out there on the interwebs called "Garfield Minus Garfield." It basically involves some dude removing Garfield from all of the Garfield comics, making his owner, Jon, seem batshit crazy.


Some of them are pretty lame, but certain ones keep me laughing. Like these (click to enlarge):







Wednesday, March 26, 2008

How-To #1: Stencils for graffiti

Materials needed:
Picture (printed, drawn, etc.)
X-Acto knife
Thin cardboard
Marker (preferably a bright color)
Spray paint

-STEP 1: Finding a picture When cutting a picture for a stencil, be sure that it is over two inches by two inches. Otherwise, the cardboard will become weak and will rip easily.
You’ll need a picture that is on a regular piece of printer paper (or a piece that is thicker, like drawing paper). Notebook paper is FAR too thin for this step. This picture can either be printed or drawn; but it WILL be ruined.
I’ve chosen a printed version of one of my friend’s drawings of a bunny to help you throughout this process. This is a very simple design to follow.


-STEP 2: Marking the picture Take your marker and draw where you want to cut the lines. Be sure to make “bridges” or gaps in-between longer lines so that the stencil won’t turn into a silhouette. I’ve marked where I put the gaps in red.

-STEP 3: Cutting out the lines Start cutting out where you marked with the marker, being sure to stay close to the same thickness for each line. I've made a diagram of how to cut lines below:

-STEP 4: Finishing cutting Once you are done cutting, make sure the “bridges” are frequent enough. This will ensure that your final product won’t fall apart.


-STEP 5: First spray Put your paper stencil over the thin cardboard (soda can boxes work pretty well, be sure to spray on the brown side), and spray an EXTREMELY light coating of paint over the paper stencil and onto the cardboard. If you spray too much, the paint will soak through the paper and make it bleed, as seen on the bunny’s leg. This is okay, as long as it doesn’t ruin any small details.

-STEP 6: Cutting the cardboard Start cutting the cardboard, leaving the smaller details for last. You should be applying a lot more pressure than you did with the previous stencil. If you want to check on your progress, turn the cardboard over and look at the mirror view of your piece.

-STEP 7: Finishing Well, look at that. A stencil. Now you can go vandalize anywhere you want. Just don't get caught.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Random Review #10: The "FIRE LANE" sign near my local park

"FIRE LANF?" Way to be efficient, painters. Come the fuck on. It's not like that won't take just a dab of white paint to fix. Lazy assholes.
I'd totally use this as an excuse if I parked there and got a ticket. "Oh judge, I wasn't aware of what a "FIRE LANF" was." You could probably pull that off.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Random Review #9: the website "Superbad.com"

Located here:
http://www.superbad.com/ (no, it has nothing to do with the movie)

This website is a complete mindfuck. I have no idea who runs it or who updates it or how often they do, but I've been visiting about once a month for two years and haven't been unsatisfied yet. The whole idea is that you click on random parts of the page you are on, and it reacts or sends you to another page. It's fucking brilliant, entertaining, and scary, all in one. Oh, and don't be suprised if you catch yourself viewing the same page twice. don't fret, just click on a different link.
My favorite pages are the ones with the bees and the story about Captain America.
I would really like to find out who owns this site and why they do what they do. If you know how to find out, let me know. They deserve thanks.

Random Review #8: "Real-life" Homer Simpson

This one makes me shit my pants more than the other fucking one. I mean, seriously. What the shit is wrong with these people? Homer looks like some sort of bizarre hairless chimp with ping-pong ball eyes. He also has slight liver spots on his massive head.
This is by the same group that did the Mario one that I previously posted. I'll admit, I'm hoping their next one is just as fucking weird as the previous two.

Here is their blog:
http://pixeloo.blogspot.com/

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Random Review #7: SFW porn

I love the Internet. I really really do. People use MS Paint over porn pictures to make them safe-for-work. Some of my favorite safe-for-work porn:


Black people love watermelon! Get it? Also, doesn't the "actress" look like the chick from "The Waterboy?" I'd tap her in that movie for sure. Hicks are hot. Sometimes.


Spidey foils another robbery! I bet that webbing tastes pretty fucking bad.

Just another day at the lab!


Ol' Pancho shot the sheriff!

So basically, these are proof that the internet is the best thing ever.

More is located here:
http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/SFW_Porn