Random Review #55: the movie "Hancock."

Directed by Peter Berg
Starring Will Smith, Jason Bateman, Charlize Theron
Release date: July 2, 2008
Rated PG-13

This summer is hands-down the summer of superheroes. With Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, The Dark Night, and Hellboy II: the Golden Army all being released within a four-month period, it was only a matter of time before a studio would attempt at creating their own superhero. Hancock has been floating around Hollywood since 1996, and I think the studios saw this summer as the perfect opportunity to dust it off and give it proper cinematic treatment.
Will Smith, the owner of the 4th of July box office, stars as John Hancock, a drunken superhuman who is the only one of his kind. He lives in Los Angeles, and "helps" out the local police while costing millions in property damage. Hancock is hated by most of the public, only because they have to pay for his uncaring attitude. He then runs into Ray Embrey, a down-on-his-luck personal relations consultant, who tries to change Hancock's image into a positive one. Of course, a lot more happens in this film, but I'm definitely not one to give it away. It has a semi-suprising twist about halfway through, that completely blindsides you.
Hancock was a decent movie. It kept me entertained, Smith's acting was definitely good (as usual), and like I said, it has a decent twist halfway through. But this movie could have been one of the best of the summer if they wouldn't have edited the shit out of it. This movie was originally rated a "hard R," meaning that the MPAA (the people who rate movies) didn't even get through the first half of the movie before calling it. The distribution company, Columbia Pictures sent it back two times before the MPAA was okay with giving it the PG-13 it has now. Don't think I'm saying that a movie needs to be rated R to be good, but I think the storyline would have been much more improved if Peter Berg was free to do whatever he wanted with the movie. Hancock would have been a bigger douchebag, and the movie wouldn't have seemed so damn short.
That's just my opinion, though. I'm going to go ahead and say that this movie was my biggest disappointment of the summer 2008 movie season so far, only because I expected a lot better.

Random Review #54: the album "Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends" by Coldplay

Like I said in my last Coldplay review, I've really been liking them a lot lately. I acutally bought this album, strangely. It was at Wal-Mart for $10, and at Best Buy for $14. I don't really understand this, because the only difference was the cases. The cheaper one has a standard jewel case, while the more expensive one has a paper case. I'm not sure what the other one has, but I'd definitely prefer the cheaper one (especially since I can spend $10 on iTunes, so in a way, I save money).

Track 1-"Life in Technicolor": This definitely reminds me of Sigur Ros. Chris Martin has said in numerous interviews that they are a huge influence on him, especially their album ( ). This sounds like Sigur Ros if they grew up with English influences. I hear a bit of The Cure in this too. Purely instrumental.

Track 2-"Cemeteries of London": This is a VERY Coldplay-ish song. I like the near-military-sounding drums. The “lalalalalala” gets a bit annoying though. Overall, this isn’t a bad song. I don’t think it’s very radio-friendly though.

Track 3-"Lost!": His vocals are perfect with that drum beat and clapping in the background. It’s kind of the exact same song all the way through, though. It doesn’t really change all that much, except for the guitar solo 2 minutes from the end. Eh.

Track 4-"42": Okay, I’m going to pause the music and tell you what I hope for this song. I really hope this is a song that alludes to the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy book series by Douglas Adams. These are my favorite books of all time, and I know for a fact that Chris Martin is a Douglas Adams fan (he had a song a few years ago called “Don’t Panic,” which was another reference). Okay, I hit play. Ooh, it’s slow. I love the songs where Martin utilizes his piano prowess. “Those who are dead are not dead they’re just living in my head.” Can you say favorite lyric so far? Part of me wants to believe this song is about Douglas, who died in 2001. Shit, this song just picked up tempo, and it sounds really cool. This is probably my favorite song on the album so far.

Track 5-"Lovers in Japan/Reign of Love": This song is almost 7 minutes long. Ugh. I have a short attention span. I do like that old-sounding twang at the opening, followed by a ragtime-y piano. This definitely isn't a bad song. He just mentioned an "osaka sun," which is that famous red and white Japanese sun design. Cool. It just faded into what I can only assume is "Reign of Love." I'm not a fan of dual songs like this. Plus, this song is really, really boring. I like the "Lovers in Japan" part, not "Reign of Love." It ruins the song.

Track 6-"Yes": He sounds like he's trying too hard to make his voice go low, like he's pushing it. I like the frantic string instruments though (maybe viola?). I also like the chorus of this song. Martin sure does write about God a lot. Shit, I just realized this song is 7 minutes long. Woah, it just completely changed tempo. Fuck, this is another two-part song. At least this one is decent-sounding so far. Despite the fact that it is pretty much the same all the way through, I kinda like the second part.

Track 7-"Viva La Vida": There is controversy surrounding this song. This allegedly sounds like a song by the crappy band Creaky Boards called "The Songs I Didn't Write." I seriously doubt Chris Martin needs to steal music from these shitheads. They are just trying to make a quick buck. The video is here.
Anyways, I love this song. I love the orchestra, I love the lyrics, I love Chris' voice, and I love the bass drum beat. This replaces "42" as my favorite song on this album. I wonder if he is so pompus as to actually think he "ruled the world" at one point in time. Sure, they are one of the biggest bands in the world, but that's a bit much. I actually think this song is about something historical. EDIT: Yep, it's about the Crusades.

Track 8-"Violet Hill": Just read my review here.

Track 9-"Strawberry Swing": Every time I see "strawberry" in a song title, I'm reminded of the Beatles. This is kind of a slow song, but it isn't bad. It seems like something that would be on a soundtrack for a movie, and would play at a part where a person finds something out about themselves, or has to make a big decision.

Track 10-"Death and All His Friends": The slow songs on this album far outweigh the fast. I'm a fan of fast Coldplay. This song definitely picks up a little bit through though. It sounds like they have an entire chorus. Oh wow, another two-parter. This seems to be exactly what the album opened with. Eh. They stole that idea from Sigur Ros.

Overall: I think "A Rush of Blood to the Head" is way better, but this is definitely their second-best album. Some of the songs were needlessly long, but alright anyways. I think this is the sort of album that will grow on me.

Random Review #53: The blog "Daily Tails of Chase"

It isn't often I post a feel-good story on here, but this one really grabbed my attention.
This cat is named Chase. Chase has her own blog. When Chase was a kitten, she was hit by a car leaving her cheek-less, nose-less, eyelid-less, and missing one leg. I'll admit, seeing pictures of this feline made me cringe at first, almost like seeing a picture of a massively burned human. But then I read the headline on Chase's blog:

I was in an accident when I was 4 wks, I became disfigured. I have a Furry Will to survive and I am completely healed now at age 3. I require medication during the day to keep my eyes moist. I will always look different but I am in NO PAIN! I have seen 10 vets and they can attest to that! I'm a happy kitty and hope to help other humans (especially those disfigured) thru my work as a therapy cat feel just as great about themselves and realize that not everyone looks perfect and that is OK.

She participates in normal kitty activities, such as being lazy, playing with his owner's other pets, and getting a haircut at the vet. It just goes to show that not everyone is superficial, even cats.

Link: http://chasenoface.blogspot.com/

Random Review #52: The book "Snuff" by Chuck Palahniuk

I am not obsessed with pornography. I know it may seem like it, considering I wrote a three-part article on it a few months ago, but still. I promise, I'm not a total pervert.
This book is amazing, though. Palahniuk is one of my favorite authors of all time, and it is because of books like this. The book follows three men, known as Mr. 72, Mr. 137, and Mr. 600. All three of these men are standing around a room with 597 other men, waiting to go down in history. You see, legendary porn actress Cassie Wright wants to be remembered as the woman that had sex with 600 men in a row. These three are lined up, waiting their turn. It tells the story from all three of their points of view, and gives you insight as to why they are there, what their past with Cassie has been like, and what they hope to gain from that experience.
"Snuff" is written in classic Palahniukian style, with brutal honesty and shocking twists. It is, in fact, my second-favorite book by him now. If you like his past writings, you'll love it.
Oh, and by the way, John Waters should direct the movie. That would be amazing.

Random Review #51: Indiana Jones desk set

This is an interesting one. With "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" out last Thursday, many companies are capitalizing on the older movies to sell products. This is a three-piece desk set that has treasures from the first three movies.

The fertility idol from the first movie doubles as a pen holder, and it looks pretty cool.

The Ark of the Covenant from the second movie is a business card holder, and it looks good as well.

I'm not entirely sure the average person would understand that this is the Holy Grail, but it goes with the others and is pretty neat nonetheless.

Random Review #50: The Incredible Edible Anus

Yes, seriously. These are Belgian chocolates that are shaped like assholes. I'm so thrown off by this, I can't even think of anything to type. I'm literally speechless. Why would someone possibly want to order these, other than as a gag gift? The site looks pretty legit, and has a classy URL (http://www.edibleanus.com/), but are they actually legit? I think so, with that foxy (I.E. Whorish) model eating a white one above. Someone order some for me, once they start selling them again. I'll let you know if they taste like shit or not (pun totally intended).

Click on the "Limited Edition" link to the left. Strangely, I want one.

Random Review #49: The movie "Iron Man"

Directed by John Favreau
Starring Robert Downey Jr., Terrence Howard, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jeff Bridges
Release date: May 2, 2008
Rated PG-13

Being a semi-hardcore comic nerd, I've constantly been let down by Hollywood's lame attempts at bringing fantastic superheroes to the big screen (Daredevil, Elektra, Catwoman, Spider-Man 3, to name a few). But not with this movie. This is hands-down the most accurate representation of a superhero origin story I have ever seen. Of course, some parts were modernized, like Jarvis (Tony Stark's butler in the comics) being an interactive computer system, but still. The message remains the same.
Anyways, as a movie, it was also fantastic. The storyline was interesting and relatable, the script was witty and smart, and the acting and effects were fantastic. Robert Downey Jr. has definitely returned from that blockbuster hiatus he's been on lately. He plays the perfect Stark. He's witty, intelligent, and a douchebag, just like his comics counterpart.
I do have one complaint about this movie though. I don't think Stark spent enough time in the Mk II armor. If you think about it, the only times he was in it were when he was testing it, and during two fighting sequences. It probably added up to close to 20 minutes total. And for a movie with a 2-hour running time, this is disappointing.
So the bottom line is this: if they keep making movies like this, I'll keep loving them. Please, Marvel, stick to what fans like and have liked for years. Don't get flashy to get audiences to come see your movies. This is near perfect.

Personal Message #3: All apologies.

Sorry I haven't updated in ages. I've been busy, then I got in trouble, and blah blah blah.
Chances are, you don't care.

Anyways, I'll be updating regularly now.

Personal Message #2: 8 days!

It's been 8 days since I've updated, and I am sorry. I've been working on graduating high school lately. It's been consuming my free time and has been putting me in a crappy mood for the last few weeks. But hey, at least I'm graduating, right?

I plan on updating today or tomorrow if I can. I promise it'll be a somewhat long one, and a type of something that I haven't reviewed yet.

Random Review #48: The album "The Slip" by Nine Inch Nails

I'm not a huge fan of Nine Inch Nails like some people I know (Katie, lol), but I do appreciate them. I think lead singer Trent Reznor has fucking amazing ideas when it comes to getting the word out about his music, and is brilliant when it comes to making up games and puzzles for his fans to solve. You know, all of that, and the fact that they are the band that made industrial music famous. No biggie.
This new, 43-minute long studio album is Reznor's gift to his fans. It is now on NIN's website for free (just like Radiohead's "In Rainbows" was a few months ago). You can download it in many formats on the album's own website (http://dl.nin.com/theslip/signup), and it is definitely worth it. The album will be released in both CD and vinyl formats in June.

Track 1-“999,999”: Not much to say about this. Just a bunch of noise. Blah blah blah, intro track.

Track 2-“1,000,000”: Hoooo boy this has a nifty beat. I definitely like this song a lot so far. Holy hell. This is the kind of NIN I love. Whoa. I like how the music just stops near the end of the song, and then starts back up again. False endings in songs are fantastic. Every album ever needs at least one.

Track 3-“Letting You”: Kind of a techno-y beat. I like it. Trent is singing through that weird thing that makes it sound like his voice is coming out of an old transistor radio. Shocking. The drum machine sounds cool.

Track 4-“Discipline”: This album is shaping up to be fantastic. Catchy beats, cool synth riffs, and Reznor’s voice at its best. It definitely all has a NIN feel to it. The drums on this song remind me of the ones on “Survivalism.” He’s whispering, and then building his voice up, like always. I like it when he does that.

Track 5-“Echoplex”: Drum machine intro, followed by a careless-sounding guitar riff. How the hell does he come up with music this good, this fast? Like I said before, the guitar sounds carelessly thrown together, but in a good way. I hear a woman’s voice. Weird. It’s kinda starting to ramble on. Eh.

Track 6-“Head Down”: I like the drums on this one a lot. It sounds old, like it’s being played on an ancient vinyl record. His voice growls in this one, and I love it. He’s talking fast, and I can’t understand him. Wait, he slowed down. I’ve always wondered how he performs the a’capella parts with only his voice live. Does he have a recording? Does another band member sing it? I don’t know.

Track 7-“Lights in the Sky”: I don’t like this song so far. It starts off too slow. NIN was never very good at slow songs, in my opinion. He just doesn’t have the voice for it. He’s whispering behind a piano track. I can’t tell what he is saying. I didn’t like this song at all.

Track 8-“ Corona Radiata”: I didn’t even realize this song started until about 30 seconds into it. Hooray, random ominous noise! Thanks for wasting seven-and-a-half minutes of my life! Ugh.

Track 9-“The Four of Us are Dying”: This song title makes me wonder if he is referring to the band, or something else. Weird. For a slow-ish song, it isn’t bad. No lyrics yet, though. What is up with all of these instrumental tracks? I want me some vocals. The ending sounds sick though.

Track 10-“Demon Seed”: Ooooh, I like the opening. Fingers crossed that it isn’t instrumental only. Nope, he’s whispering, yet again. The instruments slowly get heavier-sounding, and his voice slowly gets louder. I like that effect. It starts off good, the middle is alright, and the end is amazing. Sounds like a decent song to me.

Overall: Probably one of the best NIN albums in the last ten years (I don't think it beats "With Teeth"). As you can tell, I only like the upbeat, fast-paced songs; not the slow, sappy, instrumental ones. Other than that, it's great.